Jay-B's Reflections: Anti-Bullying Fireside

Fireside from Emily MacFarlene

20% of students report being bullied
43% of kids fear harassment in the bathrooms of school
60% of middle school students reporting bullying
25% of high school students have considered suicide in the last 12 months
Majority of students that have been bullied have been also been bullied at church
Most severe bullying has occurred at church - with some leaders actually joining or laughing
Most painful bullying for most students occurs at home by siblings —> we need to teach our children to quit “bullying”
Reduction of bullying when bullies feels more self confident and validated
Most kids that end up in juvenile prison was due to lack of consequences
First and most effective way to deal with bullying is at home
4 ways to communicate

Communicates respect of others thoughts, feelings and beliefs
Listening while communicating, showing respect, allowing differing opinions and feelings

Bullies tend to lack assertive communication skills and they lack clear boundaries
Bullies do not feel like they can express their own feelings within their home
We need to evaluate our communication styles to make sure our kids feel comfortable bringing ANY issue or question to family members for support and advice

Story of daughter asking Mom for advice on whether or not to lose virginity with current boyfriend

We should not be making fun of siblings - if we do, we need a consequence and we can’t allow it to happen, even if it is “sarcasm” or joking
How do we build self esteem of children?

We need to praise our kids and build them up instead of being overly critical
I need to do this better with Jantzen - I’m often too critical of him - I need to build him up so that he has a higher self esteem and wants to improve and grow himself and overcome weaknesses

She provided a nice list of questions we can ask to see how we are doing with building up youth while also addressing issues and boundaries when they occur
We each have power to make positive (or negative) impacts in the environment of our children

Action: Have an FHE about this with family - discuss more positive communication
Ask each kid who their favorite communicator is within the home

Aggressive communicators refuse to be accountable for their actions and words - need to address it
Includes passive and passive aggressive behaviors.....

With little kids - we can ask about their days to determine if they are bullies or if they have been bullied

Best to wait until some time has passed since the incident occurs - avoid too much emotion in the moment

With youth - have lessons on how we treat each other -
In the moment with youth - call it out, ask why its happening, but don’t shame them —> be positive, but don’t let it continue
How does a youth defend themselves —> remind them that they have boundaries and they deserve them. If a hurtful comment is made, just say “Wow - that was a pretty hurtful thing to say” —> then drop the mic and walk away....
When there is an unsafe class or auxiliary, it is on the shoulders of the leaders to address the culture and the issue

Jay-B's Reflections