To My Sweet Ashtyn

Dearest Beautiful Ashtyn,

I'm sitting in an airplane on the way back from a business trip to London. I've been thinking about you, my beautiful girl! You will turn 12 in less than 3 months. You're a young woman - a beautiful, talented, smart young woman with the entire world ahead of you. I can tell you for sure that if you could see me know, you would be a little embarrassed - I'm in tears, completely crying because I love you so much. You're growing up so fast - it makes me sad. I'm going to lose you one day and it makes me sad. One day, sooner than I like, you're going to find a handsome young man to marry and you're going to leave the nest. I hope you also choose to serve The Lord on a mission. I hope you also choose to get a good education. I hope you strive to be a woman of God, of compassion, of charity. I hope that you're okay with not being perfect. I hope you're okay with making mistakes. I hope you know that no matter what you do, I have an eternal love for you.

Ashtyn - to me, you will always be:

• The little girl I held in my hands when you were first born. I can still feel that lost feeling I had that day. I had NO idea how to feed you, how to change your diaper, how to bathe you. I didn't even know how to hold you. But I loved you that day - sweetheart. I loved you with a love I had never felt before. That love has only grown - exponentially - since that winter day nearly 12 years ago!
• The little girl chasing the birds in the streets of Vancouver. You were so young, but so beautiful. I am as certain now as I was back then that I have the most beautiful and smart girl in the entire world!
• The little girl who loved to be pushed on the swings. I loved to push you as well - we would do if for hours. I don't seem to have the patience to do that with the other kids now, but I definitely remember the love I had for you, pushing you in the swing!
• A little dancer in a ballet dress. You don't seem to like dancing now, probably because you're self-concious about it, but as a little girl, you loved it just as much as Aubrey does now. You used to dance around the kitchen, singing songs you made up. I miss those tender, beautiful days. I remember holding baby Alyssa while filming you dance around the living room like it was yesterday. You had long flowing hair and your beautiful smile!!
• My little animal lover. We loved to take you to the zoo, let you ride horses, let you pet random dogs and cats. We used to take you to the pet store just to watch your eyes light up. Even today, you still have a strong love for animals.
• My reader and lover of all books. Your love of books started when Mom and I would read you books as a baby. You have always preferred reading a book to anything on TV. I love to watch you read books and I love to read them with you - cherish your love for books - don't let your love for books control you - control the love and you will always find happiness in reading books.
• My little child of God. You are still learning to feel and recognize the spirit, but you have always had a very strong faith in God. You've always been really good at choosing the right and one of your strengths is to follow the Gospel and be odedient - even to the point of making sure the rest of your family (including me) does the same. I LOVE YOU for this - please continue to be strong. Don't let you friends, family, or anyone else persuade you to do something you don't believe in. Stand for what's right at ALL costs. It may be hard at times, but it will bring a joy that nothing else can. Remember the time you came and honestly confessed to seeing a bad word on the internet. Continue to do that when you see trouble - run for help - Mom and I will NEVER judge you and will only love you and help you. Even if you make a mistake, don't be afraid to tell us - we won't judge you - we've made mistake too. We will just help you and love you even more!
• My little fish - I want you to know that I could not be ANY prouder of you this year - watching you swim on the Severance MIddle School swim team. It takes guts and real strength to be on a school sports team. Did you know your Dad, the lover of ALL sports, never made it on a school sports team? I never thought I was good enough - I was afraid to try. My parents never pushed me, so I didn't try out. When I'm asked if I played basketball or other sports in high school, I often say "yes", only because it is too painful to explain that I was afraid. Looking back now, I KNOW that I was good enough. I could have played Varisty and been a starter on the team - if only I would have tried. This is why I sometimes push you, not because I don't love you or I don't think you're doing great. But because I wish someone would have pushed me. It makes you stronger and it demonstrates love and support. Ashtyn - I love and support you in anything you want to try! I may push you to try new things, but only to help you see the world a bit. You are a GREAT swimmer - if you want to join a club team - I will TOTALLY support you. I will never hold you back on achieving your dreams.

Ashtyn - I could keep going for ever, because I love you for so many reasons - but I've been crying constantly while typing this and people are starting to stare. I just want you to know that I love you so very much. I've been thinking of you constantly this trip and I finally decided it was time for me to write you a letter, on the eve of your growth into an official young women. Although I may sometimes appear to lose my patience with you and although you may hate my "lectures", never forget that I love you eternally. I will be your father for ever and I could not be prouder of the young woman that you've become. I would love to tie you down, keep you from growing up, but I know I can't. Instead, I will be at your side (so will Mom). We will help you in every possible way as you blossom into a young woman. You will learn and do a TON over the next 7 years as you finish middle school and high school and hopefully prepare yourself to serve a mission. Ashtyn - stay strong - believe in Christ - believe in your parents - most importantly --> believe in YOURSELF!! You are stronger than you know. Never be afraid to try new things - love life to its fullest!!

 

I love you Ashtyn Whitley Brown -

 

- Dad

 

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